Finding out about a cheating wife can be devastating. The feeling of betrayal is something that, personally, I cannot overcome because I am a very faithful person — sometimes at my own expense. I am faithful to my superiors, my family, my partner, my friends, and I demand the same.
However, I am a very rational person, and I can understand how my own ex-wife could justify cheating on me.
– My communication skills were terrible.
– I was not the most imaginative guy in bed.
– I let myself go and I gained 20 pounds.
And I could go on and on. I believe the most important factor was my unemployment in 2009. Not only she became the only breadwinner, but also I was mentally blocked, I just didn’t know what to do. I was at my worse, that was a dark time.
Hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes, and my story of being cheated on is so very simple to explain that it is almost embarrassing.
First Red Flag: She Was Already a Cheater Before Knowing You
When I first hooked up with my ex, she already had a boyfriend at the time. Do I need to say anything else?
So there goes the First Red Flag: if she is already cheating on someone else, why would I be the only special snowflake that is immune to that?
Second Red Flag: Overseas Travel
Worse still: later on I found out that she had already cheated on her then boyfriend with yet another guy, prior to meeting me. That happened when she lived overseas for three months during an internship. Unsupervised by family and friends, she felt no guilt whatsoever to have a full-fledged mini-relationship overseas.
By the way, traveling alone overseas is the Second Red Flag because it creates such easy opportunity for cheating and being worry free about getting caught.
Both times when my ex traveled alone overseas when we together were also when she cheated on me, as I joined the pieces together and I found out later. How did I join the pieces together, you ask?
How Did I Found Out The First Time?
Well, the first time she felt guilty and she cried, while partially confessing to having been coerced to drink, and she got drunk, and she was taken advantage of — as per her side.
A mutual friend of ours, after I dumped my ex, said she got drunk willingly, as an excuse to get rid of her responsibility, and decided to sleep with her ex-boyfriend at their alumni meeting, because an ex “wouldn’t count as cheating” since they had already been together before.
Can you believe the reasoning?
Of course, I only learned half-truths from my ex, as I said earlier, and I accepted that as an incident that was not her responsibility. After all, why would she lie to me?
How Did I Found Out The Second Time?
The second time I placed everything together about her cheating was when we were already drifting apart, I didn’t know quite much what to do, the internet was not so full of advice, oh well. Nowadays you can even find good places such as http://exfactorguidereview.net which helps you to take steps to rebuild your relationship.
Just to paint you a picture, we were already in a “dead bedroom” with zero intimacy, but I was soldiering on and trying to make things work in whatever way I could think of.
My ex went overseas for 10 days at a company event and when she came back, we had extraordinary sex. As in, literally, out of the ordinary state of things. I did my own stuff, normally — I told you before, I am an average guy, and I am well aware of that.
When I say extra-ordinary, that time was the first — and only — time my had multiple orgasms while we were together. (With me, at least!)
I am not saying all this because I want to say I have a spectacular member or that I am a circus artist. The way I read this situation is: my ex was happy she got to have the opportunity to cheat on me and I never found out anything about it.
In other words, as we were starting intercourse, she ensured that my desire for her was still there, as strong as always, plus she also made sure that I wasn’t aware of anything that had happened. I am not a psychologist, however, I am sure that the thrill of the entire “getting away” feeling without any bad consequences for her is the main trigger that made her orgasm 11 times that night, without any special actions from my part.
Third (And Main) Red Flag
Lack of respect.
This is the root of everything that is bad in any relationship — work, friendship, love, family.
Disrespect is the one thing that is a clear sign that she does not care enough for you:
– If she makes jokes at your expense,
– If she refuses to do things she would previously do with a smile on her face,
– If she goes out of her way to deny and express (with actions) the things you like while expressing (with words) her admiration for you,
Cheating was a matter of time. It could be a fantasy in her mind, it could be physical like it happened with me. It could be in the future, it could have already happened and you are not even aware. Keep your eyes open and remember to respect yourself, first and foremost. Everything else that is good in your life will stem out of your self-respect. Peace.