Is Your Wife Cheating On You?

my-wife-cheated-on-me-with-my-friendFinding out about a cheating wife can be devastating. The feeling of betrayal is something that, personally, I cannot overcome because I am a very faithful person — sometimes at my own expense. I am faithful to my superiors, my family, my partner, my friends, and I demand the same.

However, I am a very rational person, and I can understand how my own ex-wife could justify cheating on me.
– My communication skills were terrible.
– I was not the most imaginative guy in bed.
– I let myself go and I gained 20 pounds.

And I could go on and on. I believe the most important factor was my unemployment in 2009. Not only she became the only breadwinner, but also I was mentally blocked, I just didn’t know what to do. I was at my worse, that was a dark time.

Hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes, and my story of being cheated on is so very simple to explain that it is almost embarrassing.

First Red Flag: She Was Already a Cheater Before Knowing You

When I first hooked up with my ex, she already had a boyfriend at the time. Do I need to say anything else?

So there goes the First Red Flag: if she is already cheating on someone else, why would I be the only special snowflake that is immune to that?

Second Red Flag: Overseas Travel

Worse still: later on I found out that she had already cheated on her then boyfriend with yet another guy, prior to meeting me. That happened when she lived overseas for three months during an internship. Unsupervised by family and friends, she felt no guilt whatsoever to have a full-fledged mini-relationship overseas.

By the way, traveling alone overseas is the Second Red Flag because it creates such easy opportunity for cheating and being worry free about getting caught.

Both times when my ex traveled alone overseas when we together were also when she cheated on me, as I joined the pieces together and I found out later. How did I join the pieces together, you ask?

How Did I Found Out The First Time?

Well, the first time she felt guilty and she cried, while partially confessing to having been coerced to drink, and she got drunk, and she was taken advantage of — as per her side.

A mutual friend of ours, after I dumped my ex, said she got drunk willingly, as an excuse to get rid of her responsibility, and decided to sleep with her ex-boyfriend at their alumni meeting, because an ex “wouldn’t count as cheating” since they had already been together before.

Can you believe the reasoning?

Of course, I only learned half-truths from my ex, as I said earlier, and I accepted that as an incident that was not her responsibility. After all, why would she lie to me?

How Did I Found Out The Second Time?

The second time I placed everything together about her cheating was when we were already drifting apart, I didn’t know quite much what to do, the internet was not so full of advice, oh well. Nowadays you can even find good places such as which helps you to take steps to rebuild your relationship.

Just to paint you a picture, we were already in a “dead bedroom” with zero intimacy, but I was soldiering on and trying to make things work in whatever way I could think of.

My ex went overseas for 10 days at a company event and when she came back, we had extraordinary sex. As in, literally, out of the ordinary state of things. I did my own stuff, normally — I told you before, I am an average guy, and I am well aware of that.

When I say extra-ordinary, that time was the first — and only — time my had multiple orgasms while we were together. (With me, at least!)

I am not saying all this because I want to say I have a spectacular member or that I am a circus artist. The way I read this situation is: my ex was happy she got to have the opportunity to cheat on me and I never found out anything about it.

In other words, as we were starting intercourse, she ensured that my desire for her was still there, as strong as always, plus she also made sure that I wasn’t aware of anything that had happened. I am not a psychologist, however, I am sure that the thrill of the entire “getting away” feeling without any bad consequences for her is the main trigger that made her orgasm 11 times that night, without any special actions from my part.

Third (And Main) Red Flag

Lack of respect.

This is the root of everything that is bad in any relationship — work, friendship, love, family.

Disrespect is the one thing that is a clear sign that she does not care enough for you:

– If she makes jokes at your expense,
– If she refuses to do things she would previously do with a smile on her face,
– If she goes out of her way to deny and express (with actions) the things you like while expressing (with words) her admiration for you,

Cheating was a matter of time. It could be a fantasy in her mind, it could be physical like it happened with me. It could be in the future, it could have already happened and you are not even aware. Keep your eyes open and remember to respect yourself, first and foremost. Everything else that is good in your life will stem out of your self-respect. Peace.

The Proper Way To Breakup With A Partner

If you have a partner and wish to break up with them, you can learn what to do here. There are a lot of people out there that don’t do this in the right manner. Don’t be like them and take some time to review these pieces of advice, some taken from Magic of Making Up by TW Jackson.

Picking a time to do the breaking up is very important. That’s because you don’t want to do it when something good or bad is happening to the person. You want to be direct, but if the person is dealing with something like the loss of a loved one you may want to wait until a few days after that has settled to do this. If they’re happy because of a great thing that happened, wait until they’re free and then drop it on them a few days past things like the birth of a new child.

Anyone can break up with someone through texting, but that’s probably the meanest thing you can do. You need to do this in person so that you can use your body language to talk about what happened. Not only that, but the person will feel worthless to you if you just text them or send them an email about it. Breaking up happens all the time, but you don’t want to be remembered as someone who made your partner go off the deep end because they thought they were going to be with you and got a text about how that’s not so.

The location of where you break up with your partner is very important to think about. The problem is that you don’t want to be somewhere really public to do this. You also don’t want to take them to a fancy dinner just to dump them and have them leave without eating. You need to find a place like a park or another setting where emotions can come out. They may end up getting mad, or they will be shocked and will just need to leave right away which is why you need to be somewhere that can facilitate what may go on, as seen in The Magic Of Making Up With Your Ex.

You know the person if they have been your partner for a while. That’s why you have to think of a plan that you know they would appreciate. Maybe they are someone that loves to text other people, and that’s why you may want to tell them that way. However, in general, you just want to make sure that anything associated with your partnership doesn’t get destroyed for them. For instance, if you both love a TV show, don’t tell them about breaking up while you’re enjoying it together because that would be cruel.

You don’t want to have to deal with breaking up with a partner and hurting them more than need be. That’s why it’s good to have a plan and to use this information. Once you do it’s going to be clear that your achievements with it all will work out very well.

Building A Strong Relationship

There’s a certain image of relationships and marriage in the United States, and in many other places of the world, where you find the “right one” and then everything works out perfectly. The simple truth is that relationships don’t work that way. There’s no real “the one” though there are people who are better or worse suited to be in a relationship with you.

The real truth is that relationships take time and effort if you want them to work. Building a strong relationship isn’t just a matter of finding the right person. It’s a matter of knowing how to make yourself the right person, and understanding that people aren’t always what you wanted them to be.

ourrelationshipHow do you do that? The first step is knowing precisely what you want in a relationship, but also knowing where you’re willing to give things up. You may have a mental image of the perfect partner, but no one is perfect. You’ll have to find someone who fits what you most need out of a relationship, and be willing to work with the rest.

This doesn’t mean that you can just begin dating anyone with the idea that you’ll be able to change them. People may be willing to change small things, but if there’s too big a difference between what you want, and what the person can give, then you’re really just doomed to failure. You need to know precisely, exactly what you need. Not what kind of person you want, though the two often get mixed up. You need to know what you need. Do you need someone who’s willing to show you affection on a regular basis? Do you need someone who will give you space? How do you want your partner to deal with your upset?

These are important questions that people often don’t ask themselves. They get so hung up on the idea of whether or not the person will like the same kind of entertainment, the same kind of books or the same kind of television shows that they never stop to consider the important things in a relationship. Do you need someone who can sit and listen to you talk, or are you something of a quiet introvert, and would rather be with someone who enjoys just sitting in silence with you in front of the television? How good are you at taking care of your adult responsibilities? Do you need someone who can help you with that, or are you a more nurturing type and want to have a partner that you can help with their responsibilities?

When you begin to honestly assess what you need out of a relationship, it will become much easier to build a strong one. This is because you won’t wonder why your partner can’t meet your needs. You’ll know what your needs are, and you’ll be better able to understand and meet your partner’s needs. That combination will help you build a strong relationship.