There’s a certain image of relationships and marriage in the United States, and in many other places of the world, where you find the “right one” and then everything works out perfectly. The simple truth is that relationships don’t work that way. There’s no real “the one” though there are people who are better or worse suited to be in a relationship with you.
The real truth is that relationships take time and effort if you want them to work. Building a strong relationship isn’t just a matter of finding the right person. It’s a matter of knowing how to make yourself the right person, and understanding that people aren’t always what you wanted them to be.
How do you do that? The first step is knowing precisely what you want in a relationship, but also knowing where you’re willing to give things up. You may have a mental image of the perfect partner, but no one is perfect. You’ll have to find someone who fits what you most need out of a relationship, and be willing to work with the rest.
This doesn’t mean that you can just begin dating anyone with the idea that you’ll be able to change them. People may be willing to change small things, but if there’s too big a difference between what you want, and what the person can give, then you’re really just doomed to failure. You need to know precisely, exactly what you need. Not what kind of person you want, though the two often get mixed up. You need to know what you need. Do you need someone who’s willing to show you affection on a regular basis? Do you need someone who will give you space? How do you want your partner to deal with your upset?
These are important questions that people often don’t ask themselves. They get so hung up on the idea of whether or not the person will like the same kind of entertainment, the same kind of books or the same kind of television shows that they never stop to consider the important things in a relationship. Do you need someone who can sit and listen to you talk, or are you something of a quiet introvert, and would rather be with someone who enjoys just sitting in silence with you in front of the television? How good are you at taking care of your adult responsibilities? Do you need someone who can help you with that, or are you a more nurturing type and want to have a partner that you can help with their responsibilities?
When you begin to honestly assess what you need out of a relationship, it will become much easier to build a strong one. This is because you won’t wonder why your partner can’t meet your needs. You’ll know what your needs are, and you’ll be better able to understand and meet your partner’s needs. That combination will help you build a strong relationship.